In the beginning was the word. Many words, in fact.

I wasn't raised to discuss religion.  Like discussing one's personal finances, it was considered mildly rude at best. My family didn't have much use for religion; my mother is more or less ambivalently agnostic, and my dad gravitated toward some morally lazy and noncommittal form of spiritualism over the last several decades.  Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, when religion was openly scoffed at as the province of the uneducated and ignorant, reinforced my reluctance.  I'd practice my religion in private.  Quietly believing was real belief, right?  No need to announce it to everyone.  It would just make things awkward, especially if they had preconceived notions about my religion.  Even among fellow believers I'm often reluctant to share out of a desire not to seem preachy or vapid or judgmental.  I've never kept it a secret, but I never went out of my way to bring it up, either.

A few weeks ago, I received a very unexpected but clear impression that it was time to start being more open about my beliefs and my experience.  I kept finding excuses, but the prompting kept returning.  So here I am.  It feels safer, somehow, to be writing instead of talking.  It's certainly easier to write--there's less pressure to find the right word immediately, for one thing, and I can always edit my thoughts.

So here we go.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  You've probably more familiar with the term "Mormon." This was the common slang (and slur) for my religion dating from the 1830s when the Church was organized.  I was baptized in January of 2004.  I'm still a member today.

And now for the disclaimer.  This blog will be about my experiences and thoughts.  I would like to be absolutely clear that this is not meant to be a forum on LDS apologetics.  I am also not an official spokesman for the Church or the gospel, and my opinions and understandings should not be construed as such. There are many things I understand, and many things I am still learning even after 18 years.  I am also not a Church historian.  While I am aware of and knowledgeable about the general history of the Church and its more controversial decisions and practices, I am not an authority.  I have not read every journal, article, book, critique, analysis, tweet, personal essay or blog about or by the Church. I don't intend to try. So if you're looking for a definitive, God-given guide or justification to the gospel, you are in the wrong place.

However, I've been actively seeking truth for nearly two decades.  This will be my attempt to share some of what I've learned, and some of it will be purely my musings about certain topics.  I hope at least some of it will at least make you go "Hmm, I never thought about it like that." 

If you've been turned off by what you've read so far, let me leave you with my testimony --a declaration of what I believe to be true.

*Deep breath* 

I believe that God is my eternal father, and that his son Jesus Christ is my Savior.  I know that the Book of Mormon is a companion to the Bible, and that both books testify of God and Christ.  I believe that Russell M. Nelson is a prophet and servant of God, the latest in a line that stretches unbroken to Joseph Smith.  I know these things because I have felt the Holy Ghost confirm them to me after prayer, reflection, and study. I know that families are meant to be forever, and that we are part of one eternal family.  I know that as I've adhered to the principles and teachings of prophets and tried to more closely follow Christ's example, I've been refined and more at peace with the world around me.  I'm not perfect, and there are many things I don't know and probably won't in this life; there are times that I worry and doubt.  Still, one day I hope to understand, and have faith that I will.  I know these things are true and I share them with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

We are now free to go back to liking each other's ridiculous memes and pretending I never shared this.

For those of you who stick with me, thanks.  This is a new experience for me and that's a little scary.  This is going to be a little more serious than I usually write.  There will be more than a little irreverence, probably some swearing, and some assertions that might even offend you.  I hope not.  Some part of me is worried that this is going to be written for an audience of one.  Even if that's the case, I know that I need to write it.  But if you stay, I'll be grateful to have you with me, and we can help each other stumble to Zion.